IGNPC's Sim-Month Long Stay In Strangeville

What's worse than living in the desert surrounded by whackos, half-breed aliens, and the potential risk of being abducted, probed, and dropped back into the desert surrounded by all those "people?"

Join The Drama

The Sims 2 - SimIGN, part 1

A sim-month in the life of the Dan, Steve, Tom, Tal, and Jimmy. Jimmy? Who the hell is Jimmy?

What's worse than living in the desert surrounded by whackos, half-breed aliens, and the potential risk of being abducted, probed, and dropped back into the desert surrounded by all those "people?" When the people you share a house with are the guys working on the PC channel of IGN. Yuck. It certainly seems like a disaster in the making and it certainly started off that way when myself (Dan), Steve, Tom, Tal, and Jimmy moved into Strangetown, a little burg out in the desert with some strange inhabitants and a history of alien abductions. Heck, there's even a crashed spacecraft and bizarre stonehenge type of rock formation in the surrounds. It wasn't long before our fearsome five met some of the neighbors, and the honeymoon was over almost immediately.

First off, seeing as we're a group of five all planning on living together, I decided that it would be best to construct a house from scratch, using only a plot of land and some creativity. Unfortunately I am not that creative, nor am I a good planner. Before long, the crew moved into a severely under equipped house. Not only did it not have paint on any of the walls, partially carpeted floors, and one lonely window, but it also was built sans roof. The amenities inside the house were equally as sad. A crappy toilet and shower, five twin sized beds, a microwave, and a couch were all that was to be found for the poor lost group of idiots destined for mediocrity. No entertainment. No mirrors. No good. So sorry guys, but your architect is a dumbass.

At least the only way to move was up. And so we began the process of growing as individuals and a group. Our first move was to ostracize Jimmy from the rest of us. Frankly, I don't know who the hell he is and why he was added into this mess. He's freakish looking and not very nice. From the get go he was on the outside, not only in conversation, but also in housing. A tiny room out back was his holding pen at night. Jimmy didn't seem to mind too much. He just wandered around giving everyone the thumbs up and cheeseball two hand points at every pass. All told, I suppose that's better than Steve's habit of scratching his armpit every few steps.

Within a Sim hour of moving into the new digs and seeing the shambles their lives had become, the first visitors arrived. One of them was even a "visitor." Green, big black eyes, sunken nasal cavity. Yikes. He didn't really get along with anyone except for myself, and that was marginal. My expression should say it all. It wasn't long before the animosity really started flying around our guests that had so easily invited themselves over to our lovely home. The alien wasn't even close to the worst. Another old lady with white hair actually managed to come off badly to every single person in the household, going far enough to make Tom cry. But then again, he's quite the baby.

Then the real fun started when Steve decided to make some food in the microwave, which quickly burst into flame. Everyone freaked out until the fireman arrived. Thankfully there was a fire alarm installed or this would have been a very short feature. The fire was quickly stopped and the guests quickly beat a retreat back to their own freakish lives, having had enough of ours.

From then on, life became a bit more normal. Everyone grabbed up a job. I went the athlete route, though seeing the immense amount of humor in that decision, switched tracks to business. Steve, being a knowledge loving sim turned to science. Tal was given the politics career due to his love of popularity... which is kind of ironic. Tom managed to weasel a job as a golf caddy on the slacker career path so he could spend his time trying to woo the ladies. I emphasize trying in that statement. And Jimmy... well, he found his way into a life of crime.

Unfortunately, no one could expect any promotions in the first few days. Everyone was unhappy, dirty, smelly, hungry, full of pee, and generally a mess. The first bit of money was immediately spent on a stereo to increase the peace. It worked for the most part. Although I lost count of the time that Tom tried to sidle up next to some girl that wandered by and get his freak on... and was rejected. Tal and Jimmy were getting more of the freak on than Tom. It's a disturbing image that I can't seem to wash from my mind.

The first week of living in Strangetown moved on. No one was really getting what they wanted, but the quality of living began to slowly improve as the cash money trickled into the house. The first order of business was putting a roof on the house and adding some light fixtures. At the next paycheck, the inside of the house was suddenly decorated with paint, wallpaper, and carpet.

That's when things really started taking off. Tal, Steve, and myself were all promoted and earned bonuses. Jimmy followed quickly behind while Tom languished in his slacker career as a caddy, even managing to get a golfer struck by lightning. The extra money allowed the purchase of a TV, stove, chessboard, and easel as well as a back deck for eventual lounging.

Meanwhile, the house, as "nice" as it was becoming, was disintegrating with dirt and nastiness. The toilet, which hadn't been cleaned since moving in, looked like it housed primordial ooze. Waves of stench flow from the bowl in a disgusting green cloud. Why none of these slackers will clean it is beyond me. Instead, they just keep using it and abusing it. At the end of the week, it was even clogged, flooding the floor and undoubtedly wetting the asses of everyone that sits upon its evil surface. But still it is not clean.

Instead of cleaning the toilet, it looks as though Jimmy has started peeing in the shower, something I was unaware was even possible. I wouldn't have known except that Jimmy's bladder rating was being relieved in the middle of "washing" himself. Meanwhile, Tom, like a four year old too busy playing to notice, waited too long to use the bathroom and was forced to wet not only himself, but also the carpet, leaving a puddle on the ground that would go uncleaned for three days.

The one good thing is that people in the house are getting along better at this point. Aside from Tom and Jimmy that is. Tom seems to enjoy laughing at Jimmy about this and that. I have a feeling Tom is just trying to make up for his severe inadequacy with the ladies. Even after some practice in the mirror getting his moves up to par, Tom's batting a big .000 with the fairer sex. Perhaps when he stops being a slacker and starts earning money something will happen.

As we leave our sims after their first week of existence in The Sims 2, we can't help but reflect on their early ineptitude, rude behavior and lack of social skills (aside from my somehow managing to convince a girl she should be my friend). We can only look forward to the following sim-weeks, which will be played out over the rest of this real week to be culminated by a fantastic explanation of why everything happened and what could potentially have happened had I taken more control over each of their lives, which I might still do a little bit.

Over the course of the week, I'll be looking to further upgrade the quality of living for the fat five, including the addition of a telescope which will hopefully result in Steve's abduction, a love tub, a piano, a group game, and perhaps even some bigger beds so our bachelors can take on the female population. Tal's sim seems to be up on throwing a party and the house may be in for a redesign should these guys manage to make enough money and clean the toilet. Keep checking back the rest of this week for updates on their... our progress in Strangetown.